|
Two Families, One Heart
(conclusion)
On June 13, even before Tommy’s heart arrived at the hospital, the transplant team wheeled Chris into surgery. He had grown accustomed to general anesthesia. Usually he tried to see how long he could stay awake before his eyes closed. However, this night – fearing he would still be awake when they opened up his body – he quickly succumbed to the anesthesia. The transplant doctors, forced to place their patient in a vulnerable position, had to cut open Chris’s body and put him on a bypass machine before the new heart had even entered the hospital.
The transplant operation began. Tim and Liz knew that this was their son’s last chance. It had to work. Waiting and praying in a small room provided by the hospital staff, Chris’s parents knew that they had no control over how things would turn out. Holding each others’ hands, they remained silent because talking would only cause them to cry.
The doctors had said the surgery would last three to four hours, but after only two hours, at 2 a.m. on June 13, the nurses’ station received a phone call. Liz immediately thought Chris had died. Too little time had passed; Chris had barely gone in. As it turned out, the doctors had good news. Surgery had gone better than expected; it had not taken as long as usual to do the heart transplant.
Thomas Robert Weiss died officially at 11:30pm on June 12, 1997. Forty-eight miles away in Encinitas, Christopher Truxaw woke on June 13, 1997 with Tommy’s heart beating in his chest. With two large tubes coming from his sides and two wires straight into the heart, he felt Tommy’s heart beating almost too strongly through his chest. His heart had been so weak during the first thirteen years of his life that a normal heartbeat scared him. Still, Tommy’s heart did its job. Blood moved through Christopher’s body, and his color had already improved in the one day after surgery. However, his immune system was barely functioning. With the immune system of a newborn baby, he had to be kept in isolation.
Five days after Chris’s transplant, Tim’s mother, Louise, and his aunt, Kathleen, attended Tommy’s funeral at Pacific View Memorial Park. The black clothes of Tommy’s family and friends stood out against the bright colors of green and blue on the warm, clear day of June 18, 1997. The funeral was held one day after Tommy’s sister Marissa’s birthday. The hundreds of guests, who had made their way to the Newport Beach cemetery, came to pay respects to the five-foot-tall, 86-pound boy resting inside the gray coffin. Donna did not have the strength to pick out the casket. While in the room full of coffins, Donna had to excuse herself and go to the restroom to compose herself. She let Peter choose the coffin on his own.
An elaborate wreath of white and red roses laid on top of the closed casket. The coffin housed a body wearing a variety of clothing styles, exactly how Tommy would have wanted to be dressed. He had always wanted a snazzy bowling shirt. On this day, the boy wore a yellow bowling shirt with his name, Thomas Robert Weiss, engraved on the sleeve and brand-new white Dickies pants. Dickies had always been a constant in his daily wardrobe. Lastly, his mother made sure that Tommy wore his favorite green knit hat, a hat he usually saved for bad-hair days.
To the left of the coffin stood an enlarged photograph of Tommy taken only two weeks before. Even with his curly brown hair, and matching honey-brown eyes, it was Tommy’s perfect smile that drew the most attention. Donna had wanted a family picture with Tommy and her daughter Marissa. Despite her children’s protests, she’d had her way.
Peter could not believe that Donna had the strength to speak at their son’s funeral. Donna initially doubted her ability to stand up and speak about how great her son was. But, Tommy would have wanted this. She thanked everyone for their overwhelming love and support for her son and his family. She reemphasized how much she would miss her son and how she always enjoyed getting up in the morning to get his hair just right. At that point Donna broke down, which caused everyone else to start crying as well. She wished she had brought tissues for all he supporters. She knew, and she reminded everyone, where Tommy now resided. She told her fellow mourners:
“Don’t sweat the small stuff. Everything in this life is small stuff. Put your life in God’s hands and He will faithfully see you through. Don’t be sad for Tommy. Tommy is having a blast in heaven!” Before sitting down she ended her speech with a passage from Elisabeth Kübler-Ross:
When we have done all the work we were sent to earth to do, we are allowed to shed our body, which imprisons our soul, like a cocoon encloses the future butterfly. And when the time is right, we can let go of it and we will be free of pain, free of fears, and worries, free as a very beautiful butterfly, returning home to God.
At the end of the service, Donna and Peter stood in front of the coffin for people to line up and individually give them hugs. The funeral director had told the parents this gave people a connection and a chance to tell Peter and Donna that they were there for them. The entire process drained Donna; she nearly passed out from exhaustion. On top of being strong for herself, she had to be strong for everyone else, too. People would cry and hug her, and they all wanted to say something. However, most of the time people would not know what to say. Although Donna managed to stick it out and hug every person who attended the funeral, Peter left early. He did not have the ability to hug and talk to every other grieving person; he had already wanted the funeral to be as short as possible. Neither Donna nor her family stayed to watch Tommy‘s burial. Donna knew it would be too difficult to hear the gravel slam against the coffin. Only Pastor Chuck Smith stayed to watch. He could not believe that one of his son’s friends had died.
Donna went to her son’s room often following his death. She left everything the way Tommy had it, even his fingerprints on the mirrored sliding closet doors. Donna bought the plot next to Tommy’s. She plans one day to lie beside her son at Pacific View Memorial Park. She had to take three months off of work before returning to Delta Airlines. Even then, while on flights, she would often break down and the other flight attendants would have to cover for her. One time she had a visual image of her son on the operating table, mangled and cut open. Distraught and mortified, she started sobbing on the plane. She felt guilty that she had not left her son’s body in peace.
As Donna and Marissa tried to adjust to their life without Tommy, Christopher Truxaw’s health slowly improved. The entire house had to be germ-free. Liz constantly walked around with Lysol and hand sanitizer. Chris had a shower all to himself. Whenever he left the house, he had to wear a surgical mask. When visitors came to the house, they had to stay outside and talk to him through the screen door. As Chris recovered, Tim found himself thinking of Donna and her family. He wanted to meet them and express his gratitude. He had wanted to attend Tommy’s funeral, but had feared that his presence might take the attention away from Tommy.
It is suggested by the organ procurement agencies that the recipient’s family wait a year before contacting the donor family, to allow both groups time to grieve and adjust to life. Often, the donor family does not wish to know the recipient family. But Tim knew of Tommy’s family, so he wanted to contact them sooner, and meet with them. Liz wanted to postpone the meeting for as long as she could. As a mother who had watched her son live through a near-death experience, she could not even begin to understand Donna’s situation of losing her son.
On July 11, 1997, less then a month after Tommy’s death, Tim decided to write to Donna. He thanked her for Tommy’s gift and shared with Donna, for the first time, information about Chris and his heart condition. Until reading this letter, Donna had not grasped that she had specifically designated her son’s heart to Christopher. Only now did Donna register the connection between the two families. The letter inspired her to want to meet the Truxaw family. The families finally arranged to meet each other for the first time in October at Salt Creek Grille. Tim’s brother, Peter, owned the restaurant, and so the party would have their own private room. As the day approached for their meeting, both families grew more apprehensive. Donna and Liz did not know if they were ready to meet one another. Donna brought along her daughter, her parents, her sisters and their families to meet the Truxaw’s family of four.
Tim had many questions about Tommy, and the Telleses had many stories to share. Christopher remained quiet throughout the entire dinner. As he listened to the many stories of Tommy, he could tell that the boy who gave him his heart had been truly loved. Chris felt intimidated. He felt that he had a lot to live up to, because Tommy seemed to have been such a great kid. He knew from then on that no longer could he live his life only for himself, but for Tommy and Tommy’s family as well.
Near the end of the dinner, Tim had a spontaneous notion. Without consulting his son, he looked over at Donna and said:
“I know I should not be asking you this, but would you like to hear a sound that you are very familiar with?” Tim invited Donna to come over to Chris and place her ear on his chest. Chris did not mind. Without hesitation, Donna walked around the table, placed her head on Chris’s chest and started to cry.
It was Tommy’s heart all right. 
|
