Kiosk - A Life Less Ordinary (page 2)

A Life Less Ordinary

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Eight years ( and a couple of girlfriends) later, John met his future ex-wife. Her name was Renee, a 21-year-old-straight girl who went to lesbian bars because she didn’t like when guys constantlyguys constantly hit on her. At a club in Pomona, she danced with John. They soon fell in love, got married five months later (receiving their domestic partnership from the city of Laguna Beach), and had their honeymoon in Lake Tahoe. From the beginning, Renee was attracted to John’s masculinity, and she was not surprised to see genital prosthetics in his drawer when they started dating. When they watched a HeraldoGeraldo show about transgender people and John sent away for the transcripts, Renee was not surprised either. Nor when When he then told her that he wanted to transition; , she didn’t skip a beat.

If only everyone in John’s life were this supportive.

Together for about five years, Renee and John would sometimes visit John’s parents over Christmas. Mark and Alice Anderson did not have the best relationship with John to begin with, and they were always very cold to their new daughter-in-law. They never gave even gave her a present when she’d stay for Christmas.

But Mark and Alice took it much harder when John first told them that he was transgender. Actually, he couldn’t even tell them. About a year after he married Renee, at 29, John wrote his parents and his brother a four-page letter to explain how he felt. He explained that he had already begun taking the hormones.

One week. One week since they got the letter. His dad had called him and told him to come over so that they could all discuss it. So here he was. He had just driven one hour on the 10 Freeway to get to their house in Palm Springs. The letter said explained things:like how he had felt like a boy his whole life, how this was just something he needed to do, and that he hoped to have their support. He had actually wanted to tell them sooner, but events kept delaying the moment: such as his uncle’s death for example. Sending them a letter, he’d decided, was the best option, .because t That way they could freak out on their own first and be calmer when once everyone was ready to talk. John, at last, was ready now. Tidal waves filled his stomach and sweat formed on his palms, but he was ready. He took a deep breath and entered through their front door.

Things did not go well from the beginning.

John walked across the gray carpet and sat at a table in the living room. A white stone fireplace stood in the middle of the room; daylight streamed through numerous windows. Mark and Alice each sat on cream-colored, upholstered chairs with pastel flowers on them, making a triangle between John, his mother and father. On the walls hung pictures of John and his brother as children from during their family trip to Disneyland in 19‘67,. Tthe ideal nuclear family, staring him right in the face.

You’ll never be able to grow a beard, John’s mom told him. You’ll be a freak, a social outcast. Nobody will ever want to be with you.

John tried to debate with her: , “You don’t understand. You don’t know about it. This is all new to you, but I’ve felt like this my whole life... At one point, I almost killed himself myself with dad’s handgun.”

“Well, maybe you should have,” she replied.

John was taken aback. It was easier for his mother to deal with him dead than transitioning.

“Please stop the hormones,” they insisted to their daughter. “You can still stop.”

John refused, happy he’d already started them.

He kept trying to educate them, arguing with them, but they didn’t want to hear it, Alice especially. She knew she was right.

Things were getting nowhere, so an hour after he arrived, John got up and left. His parents’ conclusion was more than clear: We wouldn't feel comfortable having you at family gatherings if you do this. You should consider yourself written out of the will.

John’s brother Frank, although initially shocked, was more supportive. He tried to get their parents to accept John, but they never really did. John remembers sitting on his parent’s couch one day a few years ago, looking over at his mom’s weird and disgusted expression.

“What is it mom?” he asked her.

“Sometimes I see you as this strange man that’s come into our family and killed my daughter.”

Although John was born female, the psychological sense that he has of himself (also known as gender identity) is more male. His gender expression—the communication of gender through the types of clothes he wears, his hairstyle, mannerisms, way of speaking, and the roles he takes on—is masculine. Most people feel strongly in about expressing themselves in the way that is consistent with their inner gender identity. Gender identity cannot be tested for or measured like biological sex can, as it involves how one thinks of oneself.

Gender identity, however, is completely separate from sexual orientation. Women who become men do not necessarily want to be with women. In fact, after he divorced his wife, John found himself more attracted to men, and today he would rather be intimate with a man than with a woman.

People tend to think that everyone falls into the extreme categories of “male” or “female” and “gay” or “straight.” However, Alfred Kinsey, an American biologist in the 1940s and 1950s, conducted studies on human sexuality, and he showed that most people are, in fact, not at one extreme but at some place in-between. Kinsey revealed that the living world is a continuum in each and every one of its aspects. His research proved that sexuality is often fluid, and that a person’s identity can easily move to a new position on the continuum.

However, The terms used today, “gay” or “straight,” do not even apply to transgender people. If a Male-to-Female had sexual intercourse with another female, for instance, it would be considered “gay” or “lesbian” sex because of the terms we have today. But if she still had male anatomy, it would also be considered “straight.” Thus there really are no labels with respect to transgender orientation, since sexuality is always receptive to change, .andthe The way anatomy figures in is very complex.

The best day of John’s life was the day he had his breasts removed. He had never before been under anesthesia and was a bit frightened, but he had been looking forward to this event for a very long time. Having been on male hormones for one year, he had grown facial hair and his voice had dropped, but he still had 44 DD breasts. Needless to say, this made for some interesting looks in the bathroom. Inside a McDonald’s bathroom one time, a woman looked at John and literally ran screaming. After a year of looking like something in-between a man and woman, it was time to get rid of the glands on John’s chest that were, to him, like big tumors.

Initially, John had a hard time finding a surgeon. Another Female-To-Male had his chest surgery done not long before then and had sued his physician, so every doctor John asked to do the surgery refused for fear of also being sued. Of the seven physicians John talked to, only one, from a major research university, eventually agreed to perform the procedure.

Under the knife for two and a half hours, John was very pleased with the result of his surgery. He was especially pleased with the new size of his nipples. They were so big before. The doctor had told him to draw a circle on a piece of paper as to how big he wanted them. They’d come out the perfect small, male size that he wanted.

When shirtless, John now has two long scars on both sides of his chest, stretching from the middle of his armpits to the center of his chest. But being able to go to the pool is just wonderful for him now, and not having to wear huge clothes or layers is a big relief. His outward, everyday appearance now reads male. However, John still has a vagina.

(continued on page 3)