Allison Greenlea, a student in Prof. Hu Ying's class on "Fantastic Fictions," shares how her own life catapulted her ahead of the Covid-19 curve.
(I took this picture of my friend seven years ago. It's very special to me. -Allison Rachel Greenlea)
I have got to tell you, writing this letter in a class that is strictly about the fantastic has its own sense of irony. We face a situation that has been written and shown on screen, time and time again, yet here we are. The experience was unexpected for me. Surprisingly enough, this has been a more positive than negative one, or maybe I should say 50/50.
My case is a bit different from most because I had my own "illness" if you will that forced me to simplify my life and slow down a bit ahead of everyone else. . It all started last year. I, like many students my age, feel that I am at my best when I am being productive. I worked an extremely demanding server job, went to school full-time (with the intention of all A's), had my own photography business, went to a therapist twice a week for past trauma and to physical therapy for a serving injury all of this while trying to balance family and relationship needs but placing my physical health last on the list.
It was a fragile balancing act that often left me drained and unsatisfied, never allowing myself the time to celebrate my successes or tend to my wounds. It all caught up to me when a close friend of mine committed suicide in August. We had been friends for 7 years, best friends for a long part of that. I cried for a weekend and went right back to work, then took a two-week vacation in which I didn't think of her much. I've been told it was the shock. I came back and found work incredibly difficult, my attitude changed and my desire to achieve was hindered by overall feelings of worthlessness. This must have shown in my work ethic because I was pulled aside for not being my usual upbeat self. My boss told me to take some time: that was November and I have not gone back. I was on disability for mental health and was told to use this time to heal. Obviously, this was a challenge for someone who had lived at such a high frequency for so long. Little by little I began taking care of myself. My eating habits, my workout schedule, my sleep, my patience and overall love for myself grew. Flash forward to March 15th or whenever they called for the quarantine. I had already been living in a state of total reconstruction and it was amazing to see that the world was now forced to put down all that kept it busy, stay home and take a good look at itself.
One of the observations I made after the initial shock and fear wore off, (and resurged and wore off again) was that my life had been completely overrun with expectations. The expectation that I go to school and achieve this arbitrary standard of A over B. The expectation to always keep moving because slowing down led to complacency. The expectation that my worth was dependent upon my work and little else. I believe that this virus is the planet's way of showing us what is important. Many of us are left with little to do but look at ourselves in all that we are. There is no sense of missing out because we are all stuck indoors. We are unable to distract ourselves with the lives of others or aimlessly working in a place that doesn't serve us or at tasks that are not our own.
Another observation that is impossible to ignore -- how often have I sat scoffing at the horrors that we have inflicted upon the planet with our merciless extraction of resources -- is "we need a new plague". I know it’s absolutely rotten of me to think such a thing, especially now that we are facing the growing numbers of dying and suffering. Of course I will feel even worse if someone I know is killed by this disease but just to be clear, I'd like to examine some of the reasons why I say we need a new plague, despite its horrendous nature . The air quality is at its best in decades in places like Los Angeles. The ports of Venice are free of sludge and grime. Animals are roaming freely across formerly populated areas. Carbon emissions have fallen due to lack of travel. People are appreciating time with family and home cooked meals are more commonplace. This isn't to say that all of this is worth the suffering and fear that it has caused, but it does show that humanity isn't the only important part of life. A few months ago I wrote a paper about how humanity is a parasite that has no place in the ecology of the planet. I stand by that statement. We have veered so far off from respecting our environment that we are a virus that has been slowly leeching away at its veins.
I remember watching some documentary about two men who were leading a reporter to some viewpoint. They stopped abruptly from their steady pace through tall grass or jungle, it escapes me. BUT I never forgot what they said, casually, almost as if it was an everyday statement, "we are waiting for our souls to catch up." What an amazing way of looking at life and I believe it applies very much to our situation now. We need to press reset on our lives, we need to pause to survive, we need sleep in order to heal, we need breaks in order to be able to continue. The planet needs it and we need it too whether we like it or not. Sometimes life punches you in the face to save you from yourself and I believe that is what is happening here.
So, you, next generation, learn from our mistakes and wait for your soul to catch up with you. Allow others to do the same. Hopefully we will be in a much better place by then.
Warmly,
Allison